Status Update

I realize that people edit there "friend list" and what not so as to keep the number of contacts to a nil. I used to be one of those people. Then I got to a point where there were people that I wanted to have current contact information from, even though we may not speak often. Some of these people are ones I want to have an eye on; for my own peace of mind.


As such, I can't always post true status updates. Oh!! This is totally a problem of the 1) 1st world 2) 21st century & 3) our narcissistic generation.

[What was my FB status last night? "had lovely curry (thanks to Chanon Thai) for dinner and now feels quite lovely herself. Anyone with no plans for Sunday can come on down to Yoga, as she will be her lovely self all day there :)" This lovely message was brought to you in part by Ambien]

What is it today? "is restless"


What did I WANT it to be? "is not content even though that is what she has been working on for weeks. She is ready to settle down but not ready to concede to Utah. She is ready to start a career in what she went to school for not slaving to the man who is getting rich by underpaying his employees and over charging his customers. Ready to be out of debt already! Ready to consider the possibility of belonging to a person, a place, a lifestyle?"


Before anyone goes off on "you are in charge of your destiny" know that I AM working towards all of that. I am paying major dollars to my student debt so that I will have the freedom to accept potentially lower paying and/or temporary jobs doing something that will make me want to get out of bed in the morning and in a place where I can see myself setting roots. I am working on getting in shape so that I will live long enough to do these things and so that other people will see how pretty I feel I am. For a long time I didn't care about either of those. Depression can be a silent beast that you don't even know exists until he's left for a while. It's just a long, hard road; it has been for a few years now. There is FINALLY light at the end of the tunnel, but it is a tiny, speck of a pinhole. The days like today, when our air quality is the worst in the nation and I can't seem to catch my breath, and the ones hard to work thorugh. When the air is not only smoggy and cloudy but also foggy, its hard to see the sunshine."


As you see, that is not something that could, or should, be posted on FB without fear of repercussion...